so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
