I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
