Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
