first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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