Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Panties = found
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
