That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
