I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
