You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Your cock deserves a montage
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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