he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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