I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
