So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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