he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
