fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
