atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
