Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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