he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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