so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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