I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
