Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
