I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I will pee on everything he values.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
