im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
