You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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