last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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