What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
