don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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