I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
