Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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