i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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