Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
