I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
