I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
