so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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