I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
