I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
