I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
