how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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