He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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