you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
