All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
