I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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