There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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