i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
