YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
