im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
