walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
