I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
