I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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