Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
