somebody snuck up and got me drunk
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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