hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
