I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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