My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just gift wrapped bread.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
