I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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