i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We need to get me chipped asap
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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