k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
