when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
