You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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