shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
