i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
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