im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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