so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
