that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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