I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
