dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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