I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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