Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
