the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk is not a location!
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
