I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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