I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
