I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize