I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
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