Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
