Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
