My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
