I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
