I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
