I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
