and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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