i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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