you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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